Ten facts about you! And now, what are your updated stats?

Ten facts:

1. Marriage and children are two things I do not want for myself
2. I have awesome hair and have relied on that to get me through in the looks department
3. English is not my first language, but it’s the one I’m most comfortable in.
4. My favourite foods are all shellfish (prawns, oysters, scallops, and so forth).
5. My least favourite food is raisins.
6. I have one tattoo I regret and several tattoos I don’t regret
7. I’ve been on the internet since 1989
8. I love wine and I have a pretty sizable wine rack filled with many local Italian wines
9. I’m friends with (or at least on good terms with) all my exes
10. I have a really good life

Updated stats:

Name: Summer
Age: 39

Highest weight ever: 225
Starting weight this time around: 214
Starting date: 1 Jan 2012
Current weight: 201
Ultimate goal weight: 119

Your definition of beauty.

In terms of myself, it’s when how I look on the outside matches how I feel on the inside.

Do you want that gap between your legs? Why or why not?

I don’t care either way. In the end I think it doesn’t really matter because either you have wide-set hips or you don’t, and if you don’t, you won’t have the gap no matter what you do, unless you get dangerously thin. Even when I was 116, I don’t think I ever had the gap because I’ve always had quite fleshy thighs. I’m sure I won’t give two shits about a gap when I get to my UGW - I’ll be too busy using my legs to do the happy dance.

How do you deal with being around food?

I’m pretty good about only keeping “healthy” foods in the house, and I simply don’t go out to restaurants during the week, because restaurants are my downfall. If there’s something I really want, I don’t stress about it or get all anxious, I just eat a moderate amount of it on a Saturday and get on with my life. I don’t feel that certain foods are “bad” just because they’re higher in calories or fat, because all foods have nutrients. I just don’t eat the high-fat ones in large quantities or as often as I used to.

What excites you most about reaching your UGW?

1. Going to the doctor and not having them nag me about losing weight, which they do every. frickin. time.
2. Not having my first thought be “oh jesus, no” when I get the notification that someone has tagged me in a photo on Facebook.
3. Clothes. There are so many things I want to wear that aren’t even made in my current size (at least not in Europe). I also have a couple of boxes of favourite clothing items from my skinny days, and I hung on to those despite everyone telling me that I should just trash them and accept the fact that I was fat and would never been thin again. Looking forward to vindication on that issue, even though it’s only a victory between me and me.
4. Less sweating. I almost always feel hot, even in the winter, and I’m generally the first person in the room to start sweating. Since I live in a place where the summers are pretty brutal, I’m really looking forward to having less insulation on me in the hotter months.
5. Dancing in public and not feeling awkward. My dad was a dance instructor, so dance has been a part of me my whole life, but I don’t feel comfortable dancing at the moment because I don’t feel comfortable in my body.

Have you ever purged?

If by that you mean vomiting up my food on purpose, no. I can’t even imagine it, it must be horrible. My heart goes out to people who feel compelled to purge and can’t stop themselves. I don’t mean that to sound patronising, I mean I really do just want to send love and support out to everyone who suffers from an eating disorder.

How do you feel about the terms “pro-ana” and “pro-mia”?

Well, I had to look up pro-mia because I’d never come across that one before, so I guess I haven’t thought about it much. I don’t really know a lot about eating disorders or the nomenclature that goes with them, so I don’t really feel qualified to comment. I suppose that makes me very lucky.

Did the media play a role in your wanting to lose weight?

I wouldn’t say it figured into the decision-making process, so no. But I certainly enjoy looking at photos for inspiration when I’m feeling low, though I’m not sure if I’d call that “the media.”

What was your lowest weight? How and why did you gain?

As a young adult, my weight naturally fluctuated between 116 and 120. I looked and felt great at that weight, it was comfortable, and I didn’t have to work much to maintain it. After university, I had some issues with depression, and although I don’t blame the depression for my weight gain, it probably didn’t help. Going on the Pill probably didn’t help, either. Eating like a fucking garbage disposal probably didn’t help, either.

What are your clothing sizes?

All I know are UK and European sizes, and I’m too lazy to convert, so I’ll list in UK sizes and you’ll have to Google these if you need conversions.

In trousers and tops, I used to be between a 16 and an 18, but these days I’m more of a 16. My size 18 dresses and trousers are very loose now and will soon be unwearable (some already are!).

Over the Christmas holiday last year, I travelled to the US and did some shopping at Old Navy, where I bought a metric fuckload of casual t-shirts in XL. They were slightly snug on me when I bought them, but they’re all too big now. I still wear them around the house. Size L would be more appropriate now, or maybe even M, but it should be mentioned that an M in the United States is much bigger than the M we get in Europe. I’m definitely still at least an L in European t-shirts.

Now, get ready for my soapbox topic: my current bra size is a 36F, and I’m certain that’s correct because I get regular professional fittings. If you have never been professionally fitted, you should go as soon as you can, because it’s nearly guaranteed that you’ve been wearing the wrong bra size your entire adult life. Yes, really. Over the years I have taken many, many friends to get professional fittings (it’s kind of my thing), and not a single one of them was wearing their correct size. Nobody. People think that just because a bra feels comfortable and looks okay, that they’re good to go, but the first time you get a pro fitting and try a bra in your actual correct size is a complete eye-opener. When I get to my UGW, the absolute first thing I’m going to do is go get professionally fitted again so that I can buy bras in my new correct size, whatever that ends up being.

Incidentally, professional fittings are usually free at most lingerie shops, though some places probably expect that if they size you, you’ll buy a bra there (which you’ll probably want to anyway when you see how much better you look in your real size).

What is your favourite eating plan?

I’m a pretty religious follower of the Four-Hour Body/slow-carb programme. It’s appropriate for me because it’s very, very simple - I get so easily frustrated and give up as soon as any eating plan gets even a little bit complicated. With slow-carb, I know exactly what to buy at the supermarket, it’s all extremely basic, natural food, and I just buy huge quantities and stick to that six days a week. On Saturdays, anything goes, so I can get any cravings out of my system then if necessary. That works well for me because I know from experience that if I don’t schedule in times when I can be a little more relaxed about my eating habits, eventually I just get resentful and angry and give up entirely, and then I get out of control again, and that’s not pretty for anyone. This way, I’m in control no matter what I’m eating, and the moderate caloric spike on Saturdays is a total plateau-buster, and keeps my metabolism from freaking out. I hate that people call it a “cheat day,” because it’s not cheating at all - it’s a necessary (and fun!) part of the lifestyle.

I know 4hb doesn’t work for everyone - some people (like me) have had great success with it, and others find it doesn’t suit them. Everyone’s different, and what’s great is that there are lots of different paths out there to the same goal, and each of us can choose the one that works for our respective needs.

When was the last time you ate fast food?

I don’t know the exact date. I do like to have fast food occasionally, though, so it can’t have been that long ago. I’m not really a “never ever ever” kind of person - I’m more of a “from time to time, in small doses” kind of person.

What food is your weakness?

Just one? You’ve got to be kidding. Obviously most foods are my weakness, else I wouldn’t be in the situation I’m in!

Seriously though… at the moment, because I’m doing slow-carb/4hb, I don’t get much grains or dairy during the week, and those are two of my favourite things. So on Saturdays (my spike day), I love to have things like cereal and milk. Oh, and cheese. But not on my cereal and milk.

Incidentally, I don’t feel these are bad things to eat, so I’m kind of hesitant to call them “weaknesses.” They’re only weaknesses in the sense that if you told me I could eat as much as I wanted and not gain weight or suffer health issues, I’d probably eat cheese until I exploded.

Do you have an eating disorder?

No. I probably have the same relationship issues with food that most women have, but I don’t resort to disordered behaviour because of them, and those food issues don’t interfere with my sense of self or my overall well-being. I do know people with eating disorders, and I know it’s a struggle, to say the least. So I’m very fortunate. And thankful.

When did you first decide to lose weight?

Oh, jeez. This question could so easily become a therapy session. I dieted even as a kid, which seems crazy to me now because when I look at photos of myself from that time, I was not even slightly fat. I was muscular and athletic and quite slender. But, because I had a larger frame, I always perceived myself as being “too big,” even though I wasn’t overweight. It didn’t help that I was into ballet, and you know how tiny those girls are. So I was in a ballet school with all these ultra-petite princesses, and the more tiny and delicate you were, the more you got praised, so that was where I developed comparison issues and the desire to be smaller. If I’d joined track and field instead of ballet, I might have ended up with more self-appropriate ideas of what an ideal body looks like. These days, though, I can look at women of all types and appreciate the work they do to maintain their figures, even if their body types are not like mine.